New breed of spam thinks you're boring
by Marty Barrett
Like love, spam goes through cycles. Sometimes we receive more mortgage spam, sometimes we receive more diplomas from non-accredited universities spam. One thing is certain: we will always receive Viagra spam, and that is comforting.
But whereas last year's big spam trend was a provocative, get you on the defensive subject line like "Where were you last night?" this year's crop is aimed at slackers:
Hello! I am tired today. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at (xxxxxxx) only, because I am using my friend's email to write this. Don't miss some of my naughty pictures.
This troubles me. Spam is supposed to appeal to our vanity, to uplift us, to make us think that the world can be better.
What kind of person responds to "I am tired today (so I thought of you)"? What kind of person uses a friend's computer? Do we use a friend's toothbrush? Orthodontic elastics? Mail-order bride?
Let's say your name is Norman and you walk into a room to hear your friends talking.
"And I said, 'Yes, if I were a big fat fatty fat fatass fatty with fat for brains and instead of teeth I had fat,' and oh, speaking of fat: Hello, Norman."
Since I am tired today I have devised some uplifting spam that you are encouraged via Creative Commons License to circulate throughout the world.
Subject: Your Great Worth to the World
Hello! I am seeking a scintillating person such as yourself to view pictures of me covered with oil and jellies in this home I purchased with an adjustable rate mortgage from a Canadian pharmacy. As we are both PhDs from non-accredited universities filled with lovely Russian ladies who want to meet you in Nigeria, perhaps you can sign this petition to keep NPR from losing its funding. Send to 30 friends or you will die (and go to heaven).
That would make me feel better about giving out my Social Security number.
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